


Please Leave Her

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Bartender au kind of, M/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 06:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5775748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukiyama suffers from a heartbreak</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Leave Her

**Author's Note:**

> Time for self-projection and suffering™.

 

Tsukiyama had been working at this bar for a couple of years. It took up nearly all of his time, so much in fact, that it interfered with his studies, and with much of his social life. It had been a while since he had interacted with anyone outside of it.

 

Secretly, he knew why he never left.

 

He had grown attached to the regulars, and couldn't stand the thought of leaving them. A couple of them were his friends, people who he'd chat with about the on-goings of their life. But there was one that he couldn't stand to see anymore.

 

He met N a couple of years back. Initially, he didn't think much of him, he just knew that he just started to live nearby.

 

They had spoken so often in the past, everything from casual small-talk to heavy emotional support that they both needed. Often though, Tsukiyama wished that he could know more about him, about his past, about his true self outside of this bar.

 

Over a few months, he realized that he didn't see him the same way he had before. He was always trying to get his attention, to get his approval in everything he did.

 

“ _Why do I feel this way_?” He thought.

 

He brushed it off, not wanting to face the possibility. Sometimes, the thoughts would still intrude his mind.

 

“ _He barely knows me_.” He'd chide himself. While they did occasionally have deeper, more meaningful conversations, he felt that he didn't know him well enough; and he knew for a fact that N didn't know him well either, as there was so much that he had never shared.

 

Recently, N began showing interest in the lady he had been friends with.

 

“He loves her.” He thought bitterly.

 

“Why didn't I tell him sooner?” He asked himself. “Would that have changed your mind?”. He paused for a moment, trapped in his thoughts.

 

“Why couldn't you love me instead?” he though, for a brief moment.

 

Immediately, he shut himself down. He wanted to deny what he felt, and to forget that there had ever been anything in the first place.

 

“I hate myself.”

“These feelings are wrong.”

“I should just tell him.”

 

The various thoughts would run through his head.

 

“I don't want to ruin our friendship.” He justified.

“My heart feels gross.”

“I love you.”

“No I don't. I barely know you, that wouldn't make any sense.”

 

...

 

“But I still can't stop feeling this way.”

“It stings when I see you.”

“I don't want to see you anymore.”

“At least, I don't want to see you right now.”

“Why don't you love me?”

 

He asked these things over and over again.

 

“ _It was December when I met you. Do you remember?_

_It was nearly my birthday, but I didn't tell you._

_I didn't want to pressure you into anything.”_

 

“ _You said that you weren't attracted to anyone._

_You said that you wouldn't ever be able to fall in love._

_So why the change?_

_Am I inadequate?_

_Couldn't have I been the one that made you realize that you could fall in love?”_

 

“ _I remember when you first mentioned it.”_

 

“ _That you felt different.”_

 

“ _That someone made you happy.”_

 

“ _So incredibly happy”  
_

“ _That you doubted what you had said.”_

 

“ _You questioned it, and I secretly hoped that you were wrong._

 

_And then I hoped that it was about me.”_

 

_  
“Am I a bad person?_

 

_I think that I am._

 

_Maybe I should cut you out._

 

_Maybe I should stop talking to you._

 

_Stop speaking to you._

 

_Just for a while.”_

 

“ _...And I can't stand the sight of that girl._

 

_The one you love._

 

_And I feel like shit because of it._

 

_I don't want to hate what you love._

 

_I don't want to hate anything that you started to love because of her, either._

 

_But I can't help it.”_

 

“ _Why do I feel like this?_

 

_Maybe I really should cut him off._

 

_I can leave, just for a while._

 

_Get over it._

 

_...But what if my feelings come crashing back when I return?_

 

_I don't want you to be gone._

 

_Not ever.”_

 

“ _In the future I know that I'll look back on this_

 

_And see that it is ridiculous._

 

_I'll see how childish I was_

 

_I'll regret ever feeling this way.”_

 

_Can you just love me, please?_


End file.
